Parenting a special needs child is widely accepted as being more stressful than parenting a neurotypical child. Read more here.
Of course every family situation differs and otherfactors can cause high stress when it comes to being a parent. However, in general, raising neurodiverse individuals is hard work. Many marriages do not survive the struggles of everyday special needs family life. Find out more here.
I am fortunate to be in a marriage where we have come together rather than been divided but there have been hard decisions to make and we have each needed our own time to come to the place we are in now.
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Finding an appropriate educational environment and therapies that fit with your budget, insurance plan and philosophy can be a long term process. Balancing parent time with the siblings of autistic children can also be difficult.
This is not to say that every day is exhausting but a lot are. I have found the rewards of working through challenges with our ASD son to be some of the most significant in my parenting life. The one thing that pulls me through some of the hardest times is having people in my life who either totally understand what we are experiencing or have my back with no judgement at all no matter how different the way we do things is from their parenting experience.
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You have to find your cheerleaders. The ones who you can rely on to support you when it feels like nothing is working. The ones who listen and really hear what you are saying. The ones who cheer you through the tough stuff and celebrate when you make it out the other side. And then don’t blink when you ask them to do it all over again.
I am so fortunate to have a whole cheerleading team! My husband, my Dad, my brothers, my in laws and a few close friends are on the team. A couple of these friends have autistic kids and a couple have typically developing kids or neurotypical kids. I have an amazing neighbourhood hairdresser who has known my ASD son since he was a couple of weeks old. She has been genuinely interested in every step I have taken. I once forgot to take my kids for an appointment and she called me to check that I was ok. When she discovered that the reason that I did not turn up was because the day had been such a tough one she insisted that I drop my son off with her to play with her dog and give me some time to breathe. I will never forget that.
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Different people are supportive in different ways and I need them all. Some I can go to when I need someone to just listen, some can listen but also understand and offer advice or personal experiences. Some are researchers and can find out or direct me towards information that I need to help come up with new strategies or information.
But my biggest cheerleader is my Mum. I also know that if my grandma were still alive she would be right there with Mum. Even though she has not raised a child with autism talking to her always makes me feel heard and I know she has my back through EVERY SINGLE STRUGGLE.
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You might find your cheerleaders in your family or you might have to look further afield. There are some great facebook or other online groups where you can find like minded people or those who are working through similar experiences. Another great place to find support is in the waiting rooms of therapy centres. I have met a number of people who I have shared struggles with and listened to their stories. Here you can find as well as offer support and I have found both roles to be equally important as I learn how to navigate the waters of special needs parenting.
Who are your cheerleaders? Who are you a cheerleader for? Never underestimate how much a seemingly small gesture on your part can mean to someone who is not just knee deep but neck deep in the challenges of this life.
It is not all hard work of course. Every now and again you find yourself in the gentle calm of the in between times. The times when you can take a deeper breath and look behind you to see how far you have come. These are the times to celebrate with your cheerleaders and show them how much their support lifts you. Let them know how much you appreciate them and take a moment to reach out to someone who might be in desperate need of you to help them.
Give me an M!
Give me an U!
Give me an M!
You are an amazing Mum!
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We all need a cheerleader. I have my Mum as a cheerleader too!
Thanks Charlie. I don’t know what I would do without all the great people I have cheering me on in so many different areas of my life.
You raise so many great points about how we can both cheer one another on, and be cheered on. I love that you have let others help you, certainly a mark of a wise Mum!! You are definitely such a strong, persistent, loving, protective, proud and perceptive Mum, T is so lucky to have you!!!
I am so fortunate to have lots of people cheering me on. So much doubt can creep in to parenting and the reassurance of your support team is such a beautiful thing.