The decision of where to send your child to school can be hard for many parents. Do we go to the well rated school in walking distance? Do you spend time driving to a school out of your area? Do you spend money on a private school? All these are made all the more difficult when you have a near diverse child. To your list on concerns you add ‘will their learning needs be understood and catered for?.’
We had a wonderful preschool experience for all three of our children in two different locations. Our older two went to a home based preschool run by caring and understanding teachers who were able to support both kids’ needs. Our youngest son, T, went to an outdoor preschool for two years and the teachers there were amazingly supportive of him and me. This is the time when we started the search for a diagnosis and the staff were incredibly supportive during the whole process. Knowing my child was in a place where he was accepted and loved provided me with a true mental break while he was there. Then things changed.
After receiving T’s ASD diagnosis we had to decide where we would send him for his PreK year. He has a July birthday and by the time he was about three we knew that waiting for him to turn 6 before starting Kindergarten would be a good choice. We looked into a developmental district preschool and were hopeful about that until we discovered that he would be too old for that setting.
We began the infuriating path to getting an IEP written up resulting in the district offering him a place in a regular kindergarten class with a minuscule amount of support. I knew in my gut that this was not right so we refused it and decided to enroll him in a tuition based district PreK program for the year.
I knew not long after starting here that this was not a good choice and I continue to question why we did not pull him from this program. I think I was just so tired and needed a couple of hours break a week to maintain my sanity. I see now that this was a backward step for him in so many ways. While he had a good day here and there, even a good week I recognize that it meant it had been a good day for the teachers not necessarily for him. A good day meant that he did not have to be kept in at recess or moved away from other children. It meant he didn’t throw things or push others. It meant he was not communicating his needs rather that he was just following directions out of fear of missing out on what he loved to do…recess or sensory play. On the days where recess was withheld he had an even harder time as he had not had any opportunity to move and self-regulate.
I understand that this setting and the teachers were not equipped to support his needs. I am sad now when I think about what we had expected of T during this time. However, I know that we learned a lot about the kind of program and teachers he needed to have a happy and successful educational experience.
We knew that a mainstream school was not an option. The elementary school my older two kids were attending while good for them in Kindergarten did not feel like the right place for T. I looked pretty seriously into homeschooling but deep down knew that T needed a setting separate from home and where he could have plenty of peer interaction. One day a good friend told me about a tiny start up school that catered for kids who struggled in the mainstream setting. The whole school was very small and the teachers had experience with kids of varying academic and social/emotional needs.
I went to the open house and loved what I heard. I think I decided on the spot that this was the place for T. He is in his third year at this wonderful school. While I can not say that is has been smooth sailing in any way we have had total support from day one and have never felt like they don’t like my child. I have sadly had that feeling in other places. I see how they interact with him and how he lights up when he sees them. That can not be faked. With help from the school staff we found a one on one therapist who is able to support him throughout the days at school and now online as we work through remote learning. During his time in this setting we have also come to the realization that T has PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)
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I appreciate how the staff are able to adapt to the group of kids they are working with each year and incorporate their interests into the learning environment. This has remained true throughout remote schooling during the pandemic. I know how much work this can involve and that it requires dedicated and caring teachers. Teachers who truly listen to both me and my child and who take time to get to know them beyond what they can do in the classroom.
There is nothing that can give me the same sense of peace as walking away from my child when he is in a place where he is cared for and truly loved. A place where he is understood to be struggling not choosing to be naughty. He is doing his best and they see that. We will still decide on a yearly basis what is best for T but I anticipate him being in this supportive environment until he ages out of the program.
